Snetterton

The Galloping Lurgi wasn't going to stop me from racing so I called in a sickie and went back to bed for a few hours extra kip. I eventually arrived at Snett for 4 on Thursday and set up in Garage 24 for Fridays practice session. I was only booked in for the afternoon session, so after I had dispensed Bally's early morning cup of Java I went back to bed and had a notion to stay there all weekend, but then I would have missed the thrills and spills that is the Fast Hamsters Flying Circus.

Race one Sat and a new nadir in starts. The reds came on and I and a couple in front lurched forward, as I was pulling back the reds went out, nice. I gave it a big handfull, dropped the clutch and pulled the biggest wheelie I ever have. But for my seat hump and the vice like grip on the seat foam by my arse I'd have been off the back. As I drifted sideways toward Liam, bars flapping in my hand a little voice in my head said "Shut off". I did, and I braced myself for re-entry. At which point I realised that NASA are pussies. Can you imagine if the YPM ran the Shuttle missions. Last minute bits of gaffer tape and cable ties would keep the thing together, probably better than Nasa. "Re-entry, forget the tiles they are just extra weight, Keep it nailed and on a tight line all the way round China. Get on the brakes over Hawaii, knock it down 2 over California and let it run wide for a better entry to Runway". Apparently the shutttle uses the equivalent of a million gallons of gas each trip. No wonder Nasa are planning cutbacks, but surely they can get their Castrol R747 at a bulk discount.

Back in race 1, I, the lone horseman of the "ACupofHorlicks" set off in pursuit of, well, everyone. Started 24th, finished 24th with a best of 1:33. If I had any brain cells left I could probably draw some conclusion from that. Race 2 and the conditions were just miserable, a cold, grey damp misery that just served to remind me of a day trip to Arbroath. Unable to find the note from my Mum excusing me from PE I formed up and just wanted to get it over with. So I was more than a little surprised on the last lap to be having a go round the outside of Corams for top ten finish. Alas I was about to be treated to Lesson Two in the "How to ride defensively Manual" by Alan Priddle. In an attempt to block me he made a goalie dive for my front wheel. Fortunately the Goalie in question must have been Scottish for he missed, though I still had to take to the grass but stayed on for 18th place. Full praise for the Dunlop gpr70sp I have been running, even on the grass it was grippy. Didnt have a single moment with it all race and its wearing as well as an avon.

Saturday had also been Len Whalins Birthday. When Beyonce bailed at the last minute I stood in, with, it has to be said a poorly fitting costume and a dodgy wig. I brought Len a nice cup of tea and I did my best to sing "Happy Birthday". Len did his stoic best, but I could see in his eyes the question "Where's Beyonce?" with a look on his face like a kid who's just been told Christmas is cancelled. This may explain why he not so much drowned his sorrows at the bar Sat night, but held them under till they stopped kicking. Hardly surprising he was a little fragile on Sunday morning.

Race one and more iffy conditions I caught and chased Matty and Gavin to the line, tho my focus was more on how long it would take the kettle to boil when I got back. Race two, well that lasted all of 20 seconds or so. Andy Shaw went down into sears and next thing I remember I'm rolling along the deck. Thinking I was nearly stopped I stood up, took a ten yard stride and sat back down again. I remember getting cross at the length of time it was taking to stop and listening to the distinctive sound my new Sidis - yes I was asking for it and from now on I buy second hand kit - made as the ceramic sliders skittered along the ground. Thankfully the bike had the sense to dive for the grass after spitting me off so the damage was reasonably light, just the usual bar n peg stuff. Even though I keep nothing of value in it my lid was unmarked, apart from the visor which got a little scratched, so thats another 40 quid or 92 packets of Tesco fish fingers. But anyone you can walk away from is a good one and over a cadged ciggy from an angel disguised as a Marshall Andy and I had a laugh about it and then Dan turned up to join us having come to grief on the mud mine had kicked onto the track- Sorry Dan.

So onto Brands and the penultimate meet - where did the season go ?? Rumours that I will take a tent to Brands to ensure it rains as it does every time I get in one are completely false and despite washing and polishing the bike it looks like we are in for some fine weather. Lydden is next up for the end of season "Hamsters drink beer Fall down" bash. I'll also have some company for the night since I'll be looking after Floyd for Daz. This does mean enduring a night of snoring, farting and rank breath but he'll just have to put up with it. This is George Watson for Back O'the grid, and resisting the urge to do doggy style jokes, almost. See you all at Brands.

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