Pre-Season

"To infinity ,,, and beyond." Well at least one turn beyond Infinity as I struggled with my gene challenged sense of direction to get to Rangi's place of community service. I did ask for any landmarks to aid me in this quest. Rangi mentioned a railway bridge I should look out for, which I almost missed because I was looking at Twickenham Stadium. Someone should have gone to specsavers. However I did get there in the end and picked up the spares I had come for. All this while en-route to Purple Pete's to drop off my bodywork for an 06 makeover.

To further thwart my prep for 06 I had to move sheds. A mate is selling up just to co-habit with some floozy, thus depriving me of my workshop facilities. Some people are just so selfish. My new shed has all the advantages of electric lighting and being a mere flicked fag-end from my compact, bijou bachelor pad, and current Dunlop tyre dump. It also has a roof that doesn't leak directly onto my leccy spares or turn into a Jap P.O.W sweat box when the sun shines.

Preperations for 06 began in October last year. I joined the gym at work and three times a week could be seen wheezing my way to 5km on the rowing machines. I did post a suggestion that they put some ashtrays out for those that like a fag after a couple of thousand metres, but this wasn't taken up. Cant see why not, its compulsory in Paisley gyms, those worried about passive smoking should realise they are going there to get breathless, me I'm just trying to help.

This was all in an attempt to get into a set of very nice Hein gericke leathers I picked up on Ebay, I even cut down on my JD and stopped deep frying my salads. Five portions a day - no worries I buy my batter in bulk. Alas while I can now go for a full 15 minutes without a fag there is no Cinderella ending, only my undiminished lardy one. I ruled out home liposuction with the hoover as a last resort, if only because I didnt want to end up in A&E again. People see you there with a hoover and just assume the worst.

So it then came time for Snetterton and the "Race School". A chance to meet n greet the "Fresh meat" and see which ones can drink a cup of my java, which "Gandalf the Shiny" cheerfully perked out most of Sat. Home made soup, just like Granny - the industrial food additive Chemist - used to make, was dished out to all of those hardy enough to go out in what was just bitter cold, including "Team Write Off" who had spent a profitable morning raking in the bins to find "spares." They all thoroughly enjoyed their soup and it was nice to see them eat something warm. Thats warm as in cooked, not warm as in road kill that hasn't gone cold yet. It was also nice to see that despite the rumour to the contrary they can use cutlery, even if only spoons and it was touch n go for the first couple of slurps.

So where did the close season go ,,, Now its time to pump up the tyres, siphon some gas from your neighbours 4x4, scrape the carbon off the barby and go racing again, Yaayyyy. This is George Watson, for Back O' the grid, wishing you all a safe and successful 06.

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