Brands Indy

Hello and welcome to this BOTG Election, I said election, Special. Where I attempted to get to the bottom of the issues and see just what was important to the electorate at a grass roots level. My first interview was with the security gate Femme. Her dogma ridden response to my simple enquiry "Can I get in Please?" placed her firmly in the "You have testicles so its all your fault party." I did consider debating this contentious issue, but from her demeanor and the hunting knife she was using to clean her nails, I decided that this was a fringe party and that discretion was indeed the better part of valour, plus I would also get to keep said organs. Call me sentimental but we have hung around together this long so why break up a set.

Eventually I gained access to the lower paddock and set up base camp, where I awaited the arrival of the candidates from the major parties. First to arrive was Fish "Everton In Europe Party" their's is a simple policy and it will be nice for him to see something of Europe other than Croix. Their other policy "David Moyes for Pope" suffered a set back when it was discovered he had a criminal record - Des O'Connors Greatest Hits.

The other candidates drifted in, one by one. Bally "I'm not having a wash till I win Party" outlined his position as I took up position upwind and swatting flies. Next to arrive was Daz of the "Edukashun 4 awl Party" - if the hastily crayoned banner on his van was to be believed. Allegations that Floyd had done the crayon work were hotly denied as a "dirty tactics" smear by the opposition. I did ask him to spell "opposition" and to his credit Floyd got it right, but after ten minutes of furrowed brows and feverish counting on fingers I left Daz when he took his shoes off to count past "eleventy".

The senior Statesman of the Paddock, El Colon "Monster raving I've got a banana in my shorts Party" remembered where he was supposed to be and arrived to treat us all to an exhibition of reversing that made you realise why people his age get a bus pass. And so it was that until we introduce proportional representation we must endure the vagueries of the "first past the post" electoral system. The Friday preliminaries shaped up as expected. Tho I did get a shot on Bally's bike for a session, while he took mine out for a thrash. I got to Druids and was convinced I had broken it. It doesn't steer, it doesn't stop and corners like the tyres are flat. In short, its a "Mother in Law" horse, you stick your Mother in Law on it and only the horse comes back.

Race one Saturday was yet another #1 type start- ie by the time I was rolling I was last by a country mile. I still managed a scrap with Liam but with a 1:02 I was still slower than last year. Race two was a number 2 start, in that, I got it off the line and got to the first corner to find a wall of tzr's that I could find no way through. Paddock was now no longer a problem but for some reason I couldn't get Clearways right. In the end I just went "feck it" and took whatever line I ended up on and it seemed to work a little better. Sunday race one and after a better start I was baulked on two occaisions by other riders in difficulties. Its part of racing and I should have accepted this as such but I let the frustration of a poor season boil over following this and did a passable imitation of Shrek. This Shrek having managed to put his T shirt on inside out and back to front. But at least I had a T shirt on, Finski didnt and really should have. He claims to have the body of a Greek god - sadly this is Pielardyarse god of kebab sellers.

Race two, I took Bally's advice and rode it like I stole it and it worked New PB of 1:01.009 - one poxy 1/100th from a minute and change. Though more importantly I had a brilliant scrap with Pastry and Adam and came back in with a smile on my face that had been missing all weekend. Mentions in despatches to Daz for getting the T shirts ready for Brands, well done that man. Fish and Bally who's constant tinkering with their bikes totally un-nerves me but their advice and encouragement may just be paying off. So onto Cadwell where I will be out in the clubman 400 shootout on my rgv as a shakedown run prior to going to Ireland to do the Skerries 100 road race. Thereafter we have only 2 weeks to the annual "Hells Hamsters" booze cruise and duty free run to Croix - there's a rumour some racing may take place as well. This is George Watson, for Back O the grid, See you all at Cadwell.

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